and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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