i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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