I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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