Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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