He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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