Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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