I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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