How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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