He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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