I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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