her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
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So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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