Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize