All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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