I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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