At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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