"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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