Whod you bang
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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