you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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