Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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