Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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