Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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