He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize