took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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