Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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