So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize