We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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