I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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