She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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