Betty ford says i'm here all night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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