Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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