Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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