You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my liver is dry heaving
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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