don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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