she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize