All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize