I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize