I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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