is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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