peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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