never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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