i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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