the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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