I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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