1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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