I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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