just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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