I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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