Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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