mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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