wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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